Take AIM on Happiness

Now that the new Don't Die book is complete and on the market, its time to get back to the great teachings and teachers of Positive Psychology.  The following is a blog post by Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener.  To learn more about Dr. Biswas-Diener's work and the learning opportunities he offers, go to:

Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener
Positive Acorn, LLC
www.positiveacorn.com  

There's more to this pleasant feeling than you think!

A few years ago a friend and colleague of mine-- Sonja Lyubomirsky-- wrote a book about the science of well-being called "The How of Happiness." In this book Sonja reviewed much of the empirical evidence for various ways that a person might achieve happiness: cultivate a habit of gratitude, plug in spiritually, let go of sour feelings through forgiveness. The How of Happiness was timely and important in that it addressed what is, for many folks, the single most pressing question about happiness, "How can I get some more of it?"

What many people fail to realize, where their own emotional good life is concerned, is that there is an equally crucial question: when is happiness? Many of us simply assume that happiness is an emotion we experience in the present and it therefore makes sense to find pleasant and rewarding tasks in which to engage. There is, however, more to the story..... there is a psychological "happiness timeline" during which happiness is constructed, much in the same way your story of your wedding day or trip to Paris is constructed.

In a book published the same year as Lyubomirsky's, my father-- Ed Diener-- and I introduced readers to the "AIM" model of happiness. In Happiness: Unlocking the mysteries of psychological wealth, we separate into three distinct components: attention, interpretation, and memory.

A- Attention:  It turns out that what you pay attention to in the first place is what your mind becomes filled with! This is why a daily habit of gratitude can be helpful; it shifts your focus to the ways in which the world is good and in which you are fortunate. This is not a matter of naively overlooking the bad, of course. Rather, it is a matter of NOT overlooking the small good daily events.

I- Interpretation: This is classic cognitive psychology. Are you the type of person who feels appreciative when your boyfriend brings you flowers or are you the type to immediately suspect him of wrongdoing? We all have thinking habits and interpreting the events of daily life is one of these. To improve your happiness try consciously considering alternative explanations before jumping to an emotional conclusion.

M- Memory: Happiness does not just exist in the present but also can be drawn from past events. Try savoring past successes, enjoyable experiences and other golden memories by making a habit out of looking at memorabilia or trading stories with a spouse or friends. You will be surprised to find that you can draw actual happiness-- right now-- from events that have taken place long ago. Rather than looking for increased happiness in a better future you can mine your past experiences to pay out happiness dividends!
This week, set a challenge for yourself to undertake at least one of these three approaches to happiness.

Thank you Robert for a great post. 

Dr. Goeglein Talks Happiness on Rachel Ray

Watch the Show »

It has been a very wonderful week. Started with a great show on AM Arizona on Tuesday reviewing a year of positive advise. Wednesday the Happier You segment aired on the Rachael Ray Show. I had put a viral request out to everyone I am connected to on Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, my holiday card list!, and on air Tuesday, to watch the Rachael Ray segment and comment. From near and far, known and mostly unknown, the request was answered.

For that I am Smiling AND I Thank You AND I Love You.

Sunday early morning I am off to the Red Mountain Spa in Utah. This will be my second visit to this incredible resort and I could not recommend a spa more highly. More about that on Facebook and Twitter this coming week.

Andrea T. Goeglein, Ph.D
866 975 3777 Toll Free
DrSuccess@ServingSuccess.com

Asking Part II - What You Ask For

Never has clarity been more important as when you are setting goals and asking for assistance – especially if the assistance you are seeking is from God or your universal source. I know, I know, I am using that “G” word again. Do yourself a favor and just get over it. You would not be reading my work if you did not have some belief in something greater than yourself. Unless, of course, you are a real glutton for punishment.

Dr. Success Challenge: Think of a time you set an intention, or a goal, and the result was not as you intended. Or you felt the request you stated in a prayer was not answered. Now look back on what you exactly asked for. If you used prayer, examine honestly if you were begging for a result or requesting guidance toward a desired outcome.

There are two important points I want to bring out. The first is the importance of incorporating some form of prayer, meditation, or reflective process in your daily personal development. This is not something I am requesting because I was brought up in an environment where that was taught and accepted. I bring it up because the seminal researcher in the field of well-beginning and happiness actually included the process of daily prayer and/or meditation as one of the key exercises in her book on using a scientific approach to getting the life you want.* When you have a practice tied to some belief in a greater good source, such as God, and something goes wrong, you will recover faster.

Second, be clear about what you ask for! That may seem simple but let me give you an example. A young woman was new to the practice of setting goals through the use of stating an affirmation or intention. She had a daily spiritual practice and supported her affirming with that practice. Her particular intention was around attracting a love interest who adored her. See believed she was clear on her intention because she had just come out of a relationship with a very respectable young man, but she realized that he never really adored her. From her perspective, he loved her, but she felt it was in a very competitive way instead of an adoring way.

So she was clear, her next relationship would be with someone who adored her. Well, she got exactly what she had intended. She attracted a very nice man who adored her and that was when she realized the error in her intention. You see, as much as she enjoyed and loved this young man as a person, she did not adore him the way he adored her. The relationship was not balanced in a way that could work long term.

To paraphrase her experience, “This affirmation and intention stuff really works, but you need to be careful that you are clear and complete in what you intend to attract.”

My advice: Ask, ask, ask – and invest time making sure that what you are asking for is really what you would like to attract.

*The How Of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Andrea T. Goeglein, Ph.D.
Dr. Success™
http://www.servingsuccess.blogspot.com/
http://www.servingsuccess.com/
http://twitter.com/DrSuccess
702 869 3729 Office
866 975 3777 Toll-Free
702 682 4759 Cell

Bad News

My last post about how to simplify the legal system can easily apply to the reporting of news. For my next three monthly segments on AM Arizona which airs from Prescott, Arizona on cable channel 27, hosts Tonya Mock and Lew Rese and I will focus on specific things you can do to reverse the negative effects of the daily news.

Undoubtedly, you have heard, or maybe you have said it yourself, that “they” only report bad news. Maybe you have even asked, “Why can’t they tell us good stuff?” Well, there is a very good reason why “they” can’t tell us good stuff. You would not tune in to the television, you would not buy the newspapers, and you would not click through to a story headline if it was good news. Science has borne out this fact in several studies. So, in reality it is not “them” doing it to us…it is us doing it to us. I’ll get to that in a moment. In the meantime, know there is something YOU can do each and every moment you hear troubling headlines or a news report that disturbs you. Now that should be good news!

1. Play a game by neutralizing the headline. Yes, make it a game. See how good you can get. The only rule is to change any headline into a neutral statement. By doing that one thing you are automatically a winner!
2. Take and action of service. An action of service is an action that helps someone who may be affected by the negative headline.

Why do I say it is us doing it to us? Once you become aware that some person or situation is a certain way and you don’t change how you interface with that person or situation, you are actually the person causing the issue. I know that is painful to hear. I have files filled with clients who complain about uninvolved, underproductive employees, board members who do not cooperate, or business partnerships that are intolerable and cause daily psychological and sometime physical, pain. Yet they take no action other than to talk about it.

That is the same way with negative news reporting. It is a fact. What is missing is your acceptance of that fact. Acceptance is not acceptance that it is the right way to report the news. Acceptance is releasing the resistance you have that news is reported negatively and instead taking one of the actions listed above to neutralize the effect the news has on you. What you resist, persists. Where you put your focus gives you your result. Action is the best antidote to a negative reaction.

Example: U.S. skipper’s escape bid fails (LV Review Journal headline April 11, 2009). Although we all now know this situation ended safely the next day, however on Saturday morning if you read that headline you most likely felt helpless, even victimized, and angry that American’s were yet again under attack. So what could you have done? You could have done to reverse those feelings? Here are some suggestions: You could have stopped and said a prayer or sent good mental thoughts for the skipper’s safe return; you could have written a note to his family; you could have called a group of friends and gathered to do one or both of the preceding suggestions.

By doing any of the suggested activities you would have immediately stopped the feelings of helplessness, and began to create feelings of being in control. It is that simple. That is why action is so important when you begin to feel helpless.

For more ideas about what you can do, I suggest you read Sonja Lyubomirsky’s The How Of Happiness. She lists twelve proven techniques to begin the process of reversing negative thoughts and ways to increase optimism and general mood.

With appreciation for your readership,
Andrea T. Goeglein, Ph.D.
866 975 3777
www.ServingSuccess.com