Showing posts with label the how of happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the how of happiness. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Positively Moving Forward

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I enjoy the last week of each year. I enjoy seeing all the year in review articles and shows on TV. Granted, not all of the review is good stuff, yet seeing it all together allows me to appreciate why I might be feeling a bit like my get-up-and-go has gotten-up-and-went. As I reflect on all that has occurred I am amazed how much I have traveled through. Yes, the road is crooked, with lots of bumps and really big potholes. And, yes, at the end of it all I am amazed with how much life is squeezed into 365 days.

Dr. Success Challenge: Throughout the day think of the sentence, “My life is amazing because…”. Notice what thoughts come to mind. If any are negative – or as I like to say, “less than productive” – re-craft the sentence from a positive perspective. Example: “I am amazed I lost my best friend this year” can be re-crafted to: “I am amazed I was so fortunate to have Susie in my life for so many years.”

One of the things I did this week was review the twelve months’ of AM AZ segments. I was amazed the territory we covered in less than 15 minutes a month.

I will start and finish this blog with the thought that came to mind. The year ends as it began: No matter how many books are written, television shows are aired, or conversations you have, we all have the same gift and it is the gift of moment-by-moment choice. My 2010 motto will be Vicktor Frankl’s now infamous observation:

“Everything can be taken from a man [or a woman] but one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

You can view any of the segments on my YouTube station. Here is a recap of suggested actions from the shows to positively move 2010 forward:

December: Whale Done Parenting. Ignore undesirable behavior and redirect the attention. All people appreciate: Attention, Approval and Acceptance.

November: Entrepreneur Sherry Campa and her Dreamy Comfort Pillowholder. You are never too old, too disabled, to economically challenged to create and bring to market a great product – especially when it helps those with a disability. Sherry is an example of what it looks like when the things in the books we talk about become the things that create our livelihood.

October: You Unstuck. To get yourself unstuck you need to clarify, simplify, and execute.

September: When God Winks. Notice all the coincidences, synchronicities and serendipities in your life. Really make note of them by writing them down. Helps build your storeroom of memories so you never think you are alone.

August: Be The Hero. Change how you speak of your life and your life changes. And a book that told us that story will go on changing lives for years to come. The author is donating 10% of his royalties into perpetuity to the Miami Children’s Hospital. That is what it looks like when your life work helps others. You do what you want and it benefits others.

July: Happier.com Stop and check yourself daily. Am I sticking to my resolution to re-craft life situations so they work for me and not against me? Could I use a daily reminder like those offered on Happier.com?

June: The 5 A’s of Achieving Successful Relationships – always. Learn how optimistic you naturally are, what your natural strengths are, and how to take responsibility for all the relationships in your life. Love yourself and you will learn to love others.

May: Happy Up Any Conversation. Notice how you describe the daily occurrence in your life and re-craft how you say it.

April: If you don’t like the news, change it! Play a game of changing the headlines to a more neutral or positive phrase. Helps you do it in your daily life. If that is too difficult, take an action like writing a note of support to those whose misfortune is reported.

March: Positivity. Resilience is not something you are born with – it is something you do not something you have. Positivity is nothing but a group of positive emotions we can all work to grow. Love is the one emotion that includes all the other positive emotions. Invest your life growing love.

February: The How Of Happiness. 50% of how happy you tend to be you were born with and you can’t do anything about that, 10% of how happy you are or are not is life circumstances you can’t do anything about, 40% of how happy you are is in your control. It’s what you do, what you say, and what you are willing to practice every day.

January: You Are Not Who You Think You Are. Always, always, always take responsibility for your life and your life will be filled with the joys of responsible outcomes. And a great piece of news, this book just came out in paperback.

So the year ends as it began: No matter how many books are written, television shows are aired, or conversations you have, we all have the same gift and it is the gift a moment-by-moment choice. My 2010 motto will be Vicktor Frankl’s now infamous observation:

“Everything can be taken from a man [or a woman] but one thing; the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Here’s to choosing your way 2010 on The Crooked Road of Success™.

Andrea T. Goeglein, Ph.D.
Dr. Success™
http://www.servingsuccess.com/
866 975 3777 Toll-free
702 869 3729
DrSuccess@ServingSuccess.com

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Sex is Not Love

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Newsflash: Sex is not love. Sexual acts are physiological functions. Feeling the positive emotion of love may be desired, but not required, to engage in a sexual act. The day you stop confusing sex for love you may have enough energy left to develop the well being and happiness you desire. With that sense of well being and happiness you may then be willing to describe your life as a success!

By now you are probably saying “Oh Bah Humbug”! May I say with love…”Get over it!”

I feel the need to make this statement because I have been reading and writing a lot about the development of the positive emotion, love. I thought I had hit human development pay dirt when researcher Barbara Frederickson identified the ten emotions that contribute to well being. I felt it was pay dirt since nine of the ten emotions were included in the one mega emotion, love.

That told me I should invest all my life energy developing love (interest, awe, humor, hope, contentment, amusement, joy, serenity, gratitude, pride and inspiration).
I would proudly paraphrase Frederickson’s assertion that positive emotions are the fertilizer that feeds inner resilience. If the sum total of all the positive emotions creates love than love is the fertilizer that feeds your ability to be resilient.

If I did that, I reasoned, I would have a life filled with love and I would also have all the resilience I would need to traverse the road of life success no matter how crooked it gets. Then something strange happened. I would tell people of this great news and they wanted me to explain levels of love and where sex came in. I would keep saying there are no levels, and sex is not the love I was speaking about.

The love I am speaking about, and that the research supports, is love built on interest, awe, humor, hope, contentment, amusement, joy, serenity, gratitude, pride and inspiration. That is why you can love a book, or a job, or a person. It is a feeling, a human emotion. And when you build that human emotion with another person or community of people or within a spiritual framework as part of a community, you develop the resilience you need to make it through every adversity you create or stumble upon.

My hope for this season is that Tiger Woods and his family become a living example of how being surrounded by love builds resilience.

With thanks,
Andrea T. Goeglein, Ph.D
Dr. Success™
http://www.servingsuccess.com/
http://twitter.com/DrSuccess
866 975 3777