The Limits of Web Based Social Networks

Dr. Success Thanksgiving Challenge: During the week surrounding Thanksgiving, reach out and touch as many of the people in your life as you possibly can. I am not suggesting you email, text, or send some cyber hug or Facebook farm animal. What I am imploring you to do is physically reach out and touch as many of the people in your life as you possibly can. That included hugs, kisses, handshakes, and lingering embraces. Then compare that experience with the feeling you get when you receive an email, text, or cyber whatever from that same person. No judgment (yah, sure…and about that bridge in Brooklyn I would like to sell you) just do a comparison for yourself.

This challenge came from a recent review of the positive psychology research on why money does not really make you happy and an event my parents described on a recent visit.

The research was that of Ed Deiner. He termed the prosperity we seek as “psychosocial prosperity.” Psychosocial prosperity is based in things like social support, public trust, the ability to learn new things and feelings of competence when doing them, liking your job, continued good health, and social tolerance, among others.

My observation about web based social networks is that they allow for a lot of width, but very, very little depth. When it really counts, 10,000 friends or followers cannot have the impact on your heart and life that one person in the right place at the right time could potentially provide.

Now for the story from my parents. My parents live in a home they purchased over 60 years ago. Since their home is in New York it has sometimes felt like their little block had lived through every immigrant surge this country has allowed. There have been many alterations in the homes, and since they live in attached housing, your neighbors' business and tastes sometimes can be closer than you would prefer. One such home alteration occurred to one of the homes attached to my parent’s home. Over a year we watched (mostly in horror and with a lot of critical review) the construction of what appeared to be a glass enclosed porch. It was a story high, had windows that opened, permitting the owners to move a sofa and television on to what was once a backyard porch. Not exactly the home renovation any in our family would have hoped.

English is a second language for this neighbor, so communication takes the form of neighborly gestures. My Dad usually sweeps his neighbors' front sidewalk while he is doing his, or moves their trash pails back while they are off at work. Don’t get me wrong, they do speak to each other, but the reality of my Dad’s 88 year-old-ears hearing capacity and the accent laden speech of their neighbors truly limits the amount he can understand. To add salt to an open wound, my parent’s kitchen looks directly on to the neighbor’s glass porch. My Mom has a difficult time not being distracted by the neighbor’s outdoor living room as she sits having her morning coffee or afternoon tea.

Then there was a crisis for my parents. It started innocently enough with my Dad competing a chore and my Mom supervising his cleanup. On the particular day in question, my Dad had used a ladder, which then needed to be returned to the basement. As he traversed his porch staircase, he lost his balance and fell. Before my Mom could comprehended what had occurred, their neighbor had climbed through one of the small open windows in the much distained glass living room and ran down the stairs to help my Dad. Scared, shaken, but with an ego bruised more than his body, Dad and his neighbor hugged in a way they had never hugged before.

There is an irony to this story that cannot be overlooked considering my preoccupation with coincidence, serendipity and synchronicity. For my entire life my Mom used a saying when she wanted to teach you not to judge others or think you were better than someone who had made a mistake. The saying is “People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.”

Hummmm….Yes, Mom you were right and yes I have gotten the lesson.

May you use this Thanksgiving season to continue to do things for people who annoy you, and share human contact with love at every opportunity.